I am but a Girl

"Mom, I'm home!" (from school).

I walk in through the front door.  Leaving the lovely fall day behind.  Its dark in the house, stale, messy...  It's always messy - gross underneath messy.  the walls need to be painted up the steep stairs that lead to the bedrooms and the only bathroom in the house.  

Mom is in the bathroom, smoking incessantly.  She calls me in with her. The bathroom windows are covered with adhesive and cardboard.  Not because they are broken, but to keep "them" from watching her.  The room is full of cigarette smoke.  It hurts to breath in deeply.  There is my mom sitting on the bathroom floor - wild look in her eyes - talking nonsense.

"Quick, come in here.  Close the door."  She has the black telephone in there with her.  She is rambling about how people are stealing from her at work. "They" call her on the phone - I am not to answer it.  "They" will try to get to her through me.  The crazy paranoid talk goes on...

My insides run cold.  My head goes numb.  All I want to do is run away from this crazy woman.  All I want are my mothers arms to hold me tight and tell me every thing will be OK... 

but... 

she's gone...  

lost in a land I do not understand.

I am but a girl.